Every night as sleep descends
I dream of the love we shared
I dream of our moments together
Moments so precious, so rare.
At times tears slide down silently
Ruing all we had and lost
As fears and constraints held us back
We gained safe life at a deadly cost.
And I lament dwelling in two worlds
So varied, so far apart
A black gulf stretches twixt you and I
Living by fits and starts.
ভুল ঘাটে নাও বেঁধেছ, মাঝী
ষোল আনা জরিমানা
গুনতে হবে আজই।
এ এক এমন রাজার ঘাট
যে রাজা করে না রেয়াত
এখানের নিয়ম সর্বনেশে
সেই নিয়মে পড়লে ধরা
নেহাত মন্দ্য সে বরাত।
এ রাজা কখন যে কি চায়
তার হিসাব রাখাই দায়
সমুখ পানে চলতে বলে
নিজে পিছন দিকে ধায়।
জীবন করে ছিনিমিনি
মাতে মন ভোলানো খেলায়
আবার ডুবু ডুবু হতে দেখে
বলে আয় উঠে আয় নায়।
Things don't go my way
That's okay
It happens all the time
In every nook and clime
One learns to cope
To push down urges
Learns to sound upbeat
When soul dead
And then it's not so bad.
Then there comes along
Some thing that grates on nerves
Makes one grind one's teeth
Makes one mad
Yet forced to swallow ire
Clamp done on desire
To let loose their tongue
O no ! That's not done
Seal lips with glue
As heart boils through and through
Poison seeps in
Swims down blood streams
Erodes membrane
Till it reaches the brain
Killing vital force
Finding no recourse.
Hear me, O People!
I am Hades, the Unseen One
The one you relegate to nether realms
Unacknowledged, un rewarded
For ever confined to darkness
Glory of worship, not for me
Nor a place in your Pantheon
Yet the deaths you dole out
Sent to me, to fill my world
Their silent screams echoing
Mingling with my voiceless voice
E'en as your Mighty spears
Sear and burn and kill.
Knock, knock, knock
Is anyone home?
Will you let me in?
It's dark out here
And I'm alone by myself
A wee bit of warmth
Companionship, may be
That;s all I ask for
Or just give me a corner
To sit in, watch
As yoy laugh and play
In your bright world
Happy reminder
Of my erstwhile days
Before drought sucked life
Before holocaust hit
We were friends then
Now you outcast me
Leave me to roam
In land of Hades
A shadow in a shadowy realm
Unseen, unsung
A specter striving to survive.
Days slip by, hour by hour, unnoticed
A silent streaming,
Time’s fluidity knows no bar,
Thoughts submerged in layers of silt
Life moves on, sedate as aged Matron
Till once more dreaded hour comes round
Reminder of ifs and buts and alas
Futile feelings fermenting within
Turning into deadly venom
Spreading through blood stream
Running into black void of restless soul
Both dead and alive
Both hopeless and hopeful.
This time it’s different,
A mute waiting
No decisions to make,
Nor arrangements
All taken care of
Only uncertainty
At change in status
That never happened before,
At a loose end listless
Role unknown
No need for rituals
To mark the end
Or perhaps a beginning
I know not which!
Just the internal scream
I hear it loud,
I hear it clear,
The unthinkable
Turned thinkable.
Insides churning
A different loneliness
More isolating
More complete
More defeating
I Knew, I was Unprepared.
It was coming, I could see
Every day, every visiting hour
Ever since that hurried return
Oxygen flow, now up to dangerous level
Then down a bit, fueling hope,
Like a roller coaster ride
That stays mostly down,
Through ambivalent consultations
Through that desperate clutching at hand
Supplicating for I know not what!
Through ability to still remember
Telling me who visited
On ByPap,
off ByPap
Through the long waits
Before learning of blood flow
Its source undetected,
No way to get to truth
And that last visit
Rapid fluctuation of heartbeat
Sinking levels
I had seen, before the end,
I knew, I knew it was coming,
The call expected – still a shock,
That last desperate drive
Etched in mind forever.
