Change

I have changed

I know how much

Not as seasons change

But like wind eroded cliffs

Submitting to blows

Of a Master Sculptor.

For better? For worse?

Not the name of this game

Days flow into nights

And day comes again

Some heavy with rain

Some filled with sunlight

As world tells me to behave

To sit, stand, twist, and turn

To take my heart and hang it up

To dry; to expose my womb

And fill my veins with fire

And I comply; but then

I am born again

With the same name

And features; yet changed.

Appreciation

That red spot on your forehead

It’s so quaint! Exotic, you could say

Do you put it there to cover third eye?

Whatever it may mean I’ll give it a try

Vermilion on your parting is a bit too much

Garish, like spilt blood, that I can’t extol

From Indian make over I’ll give it a skip

Such distasteful sight in the bud let us nip

Red and white bangles your wrists adorn

I don’t want the reason why they are worn

With some of my outfit they’ll go well

All this is appreciation as you can tell

I see your frowns and your glances askance

You’ve made a habit of contrary stance

Where’s the harm in imitating you

It adds to my flair and gives it hue

Stories behind we can afford to forget

Blessed or cursed, no need to regret

Share these trappings, so far as I agree

Be happy  that you have inspired me.

A Gust of Wind

It came to play, it came not to stay

A merry gust of lively breeze

Fresh smelling, to unfreeze

Stolid lives; running fleet of foot

Through vacant eyes that lay

Like empty galleries in abandoned theaters

There no voices resonate, no applause

The thread broken, a permanent pause

And laughing, it passed away

Leaving them to their miserable sway

Now memory spins its yarn

Weaving old tales into new fabric

Lived and wished, known and longed

Mingling threads, marking a dawn.

Realities

Your reality matches not mine
Perchance they mingle for a while
Perchance they stand opposed
Mostly, they stand apart
Until third eye opens for both
To see eye to eye, feel heart to heart
Worlds within world we create, then destroy
Each day a birth, each night a death
Interspersed with moments of nothingness
To live, to love, to breathe own reality.
Long our hours of illusion
Longer our years of delusion
Blindfolded we journey in hordes
Yearning, gaining, holding, losing
Till Truth stands revealed- undisputed
Undeniable that force
Yet some sleep on undisturbed
Others wake to walk beaten paths
A few break free to forge routes anew
Each destined reality to renew.

Ever a Child

I’m no longer a child: I’ve been a child all my days

When I wailed and cooed at mother’s breast

Demanding milk, seeking warmth

When I stamped feet and cried tear buckets

To force submission, meaning to manipulate

Or blithely forgetful in failure, awaiting another way

When my dolls breathed and dreams bloomed

Giving wings to thoughts sweet and wild

When my eyes moistened at tales of glory

And heart swelled with pride for Motherland

When I loved smell of roses, flirted with breezes

Flying to castles and vikings on seas

When I believed in Prince Charming and white steed

And waited for touch of lips to rouse my slumber

When Sun rose and set at glances from a lover's eyes

When heart fluttered and blood sang songs of ecstasy

When eyes shut to naked truth, I burrowed deep rabbit-like

When heart break came and days numbered, I clung

When hair grew gray and eyesight dimmed 

I know I’m no child now, but am still that hungry child at play 

Song of Life

When winds change

When storms blow

When shadows grow long

Look up at the sky

Look up to the stars

And you’ll find where you are.

When leaves sprout

When flowers bloom

When weather turns fine

Look down at your feet

Look deep in the earth

And your roots you'll reach..

When days drag

When nights chill

When life becomes a bar

Look in your heart

Look for your path

And you’ll reach your hearth.

Call to the Mother

Mother, what brings you home this year?

Do you come with hope, or in fear?

They’ve bound us on four sides

If we transgress no place to hide

You’ve come and gone as we endured

They grew bold, more space they gained

This time will we see them slain?

The lot beheaded, freed from pain:

Or one more useless battle fought

With words, rhetoric and froth

Lip service all- posturing galore

Each an eye wash, nothing more.

Mother, you come every year

Promising to wipe our tears

In pomp, grandeur revelry is lost

Your pristine presence, we pay the cost

Our tortured bodies they discard

Game over, like a deck of cards

We live on with mutilated minds

Searching for home we never find.

This time let's do something new

With drum beats welcome another You

That roaring lion in our mind

Your presence in us we will find

Then battle ground we'll extend

Hearth to hearts that spew pretense

Together we'll slay demons wild

Those that roam and those that hide.

Moon's Visit

My Moon visits me each night
Flooding my cracks with silver light
A silent hour, or perhaps two, in company
Before she moves on and leaves me
To light up other hearths
To fill more vacant parts.
I dip a finger a coat of silver to gain
It comes out flesh and bone again
No speck to treasure come along
So when she is gone, I stand forlorn
On dark nights she refuses to shine
Those cracks wait, then cry out many time
Perhaps to remind her of that  delay
Or to remember it is not their day.

When was I happy?

When sun rose at the sight of a face
And moon showered silver with a smile
When a fluttering heart found rest
And a world lay in two eyes
Was I happy then?

When lipssuckedlife fromlips
And arms strained to fuse two in one
When twin hearts beat in one chest
And worlds were lost and won
Was I happy then?

When soft arms clung round neck
And dimples flashed with smiles
When half said words called out
And tantrums turned to delight
Was I happy then?

When silence curled around
A blanket to keep me warm
When no demands were made
And home was all my own
Was I happy then?

Turning the Tables

I laughed as you brutalized my heart
Broke it bit by bit, took it apart
Ghoulish smile petrified on face
In heart endless stream of pain
Oozing from wounds inflicted in play
World beheld a glow,a sunshine day.

I laughed as you put me up for sale
For highest bidder to avail
My dancing eyes did not reflect
Fear or shame, hid deep within
As anger stayed contained
Your world in place remained.

Will you laugh as your world I rip
 All glory from it ruthless strip
Let it implode from strain
Imbalance a drag it can't hold
Stealing sweetness of painted lips
Build anew after apocalypse.

O Stranger

O Stranger! Born of womb of Time
What seekest thou?
What world, what clime?
Your eyes deepoceans of pain
You smile as you are slain
A burning lamp midst storm
Oh Stranger, none for you to mourn
The doors you knock stay locked
You are a grain from unknown stock
Come in, come rest awhile
You've journeyed many a mile
O Stranger your love is not lost
Through life you've paid your cost.

When i failed my child

I failed my child today
When I spoke too soon, too harsh
When my arms lay by my side
And did not open wide
To gather the pain it nursed.

I failed my child today
When unthinking words I spoke
When my mind whirled round
And to mundanes was bound
So wings it spread broke.

I failed my child today
When I turned my face away
When tears I did not see
That flowed fast and free
As its sky had turned grey.

Enigma

At times I laud my strength
It gets me to walk the length
And reach for the stars.
Even a leaden sky
Fails to halt my stride
As I venture afar
One day I want to stop
But I can't pull out sops.

At times I rue my strength
The years and years spent
Riding waves merrily
In a playful mood I was god
in mortal frame, omniscient
Till I slow down pace, wearily
Then one day I want to stay
I turn, but the shore's far away.

At times I curse my strength
It makes me blunder on
Treading where angels fear to go
Turning my days wrong
When I look for staff to lean
All shoulders turn away
"She's strong, she'll live
She has the ways and means."

Charaiveti Charaiveti

Charaiveti, Charaiveti
The journey goes on
Mountain or river
Desert or ocean
Each a sojourn:
The journey goes on.

A friend or a lover
All lives under cover
The din or the song:
The journey goes on.

Gladness and sadness
These moments of madness
They die once born:
While the journey goes on.

The path is the joy
Pleasure unalloyed
That walking along
As the journey goes on;
The journey goes on.

Adieu

I came as a stranger
wide-eyed, apprehensive
waiting for experience:
I leave as friend
bits of pain in heart
leaving afledgling life:
in between the learning
of venturing out alone
of witnessing truths
of different worlds lived;
I carry with me
memories of mountains
and plains and bad lands
a few slices of hurt
at injustice done,
a few sparkling gems
of moments of laughter
of connect and thought
like meals partaken
from a single platter:
the winds will blow
the sun will shine
when I'm gone
and when snow comes,
under those white blankets
I did not wait to see
I hope I leave behind
a snuggle of warmth
for you and me.

Senseless

Gossip and chatter
and words that dont matter
a sackful of useless"wills",
or a smatter of chit chat
from minds that wont still;
A humdrum refrain
with nothing to gain
just thousands of slaves
who live in their graves
as days march by, unheeding,to die
in skirmishes that last
to the kill.

Comings and goings
and meaningless bowings
gestures and postures
in day to day matters
a blot or a spatter
no healing, no dealing
as water goes spilling
from overfilled pots
seeking to fill;
abandonned, forgotten
or just plain and wanton
ending it all in nil. 

সখীর কথা

শোন লো সই, রাইকিশোরী

তুই কেন কেঁদে মরিস?

যাক না কানু মথুরা ধাম,

মোহন বাঁশি লুটাক ধূলায়

রাজার মুকুট উঠুক মাথায়, 

যমুনা তট ডাকবে রাধা নাম।

প্রেম পিরিতি আমারা বুঝি

হিয়ার মাঝারে অগাধ পুঁজি

সে কি জানে না মূল্য অনুমানে,

তাই যায় সে চলে কাজের ছলে

থাকে ভুলে গোপী কুলে

কপট প্রেম ভরা তার প্রাণে।।

Fetid Fear

Fears bubble up like sewer water
from overflowing gutters
fetid, unsaoury fears;
tip toeing over unpleasant flow
I walk a mile, trying to forget.
That smell lingers
in hair, on clothess and body
overwhelming; spotting
lush meadows with
patches of hell
centirfugal and centripetal
commitment and freedom
act simultaneously
crush and pulse in each heartbeat
A dream of ife: a life of dreams.
At fifteen a wait-
Prince charming is on his way
strong arms ready to whirl away
Then at twenty two
a quivering heart anticipates
a blossimg into full blown lotus;
Twenty nine or may be thirty
the dye is cast and mold set
in unbreakable steel
imperishable stone
no one could tell:
hidden aspirations
submerged desires
worked a wonder
corroding, gnawing from within
and a butterfly left chrysalis;
till fear ripped out
ephemeral wings.

Suitcaseful of Memories

As I left home I cried.

My tears flowed for

The three odd decades

I spent there;

For each moment of turning

That house into a home;

For dreams of permanence

Of love reciprocated

Of wishes fulfilled.

My tears swelled with memories

Of shared laughter,

Of joy of setting up house;

Of arguments and quarrels

Of coming and going

Of friends and foe

Now carried away

In twin suitcases

To be dumped carelessly.

Unstoppable tears

That ran in rivulets

Down exhausted cheeks

Let loose from a rock heart

Evidence of years of

Dammed up emotions

Behind closed eyelids

A kaleidoscope of thoughts

Past, present future

Colours mingling randomly.

And time passed with the flowing
Visible tears subsided
Deep within to etch
Ravines in splintered heart
With ghosts from life long past
Incarcerated.

Silent Revolt

Sita was never weak or in need of protection
Yet you drew that Lakshman Rekha around her
to protect her you say; a niggle of doubt lingers-
was it not to limit her, to bind her to your ways?
You feared she'd stray away from paths you prescribed.
I hear your protest, your unspoken outrage
for you went to do her bidding, the manly thing to do
Why not let her go chase her own Golden Deer
run wild and free in joy, taste excitment
stumble, fall, conquer her own kingdoms.
Sita knew your ploy: she stepped out
She was not the helpless one
crying to the world for resscue.
She was woman enough to leave a trail
Her new found fire kept Ravana at bay.
But after the battle you reclaimed her body
That walk through fire you demanded
released her soul, set her free
And in the end she remained untouched
unclaimed and unclaimable for evermore.
You and I, the trampled people
bear her legacy of silent revolt
your boundaries as useless as her Lakshman Rekha
Your pretence of concern revealed
in each false move we recognize
Those walks through fire
those trials release her spirit
to keep us unclaimed, unclaimable.

My New Journey

This journey I walk alone.
No mate to hold hand
No friend to give solace
I travel to unknown land.

Harsh terrains to cross
At times I stumble
At times I fall
Hearing menacing rumbles.

Those lands fair or vile
There's none to predict
I'll know in a while
Palace grand or ruin derelict.

A winding one way street
Not drive down highway lanes
Unchartered mountain range
Not stroll on verdant plane.

And when the journey's done
When I've reached a new home
Will light on life prevail
Will I walk into my tomb?

Not one of them

No, I am not one of them.

Living by rules alone

Walking on well trodden paths

Thoughtless. Unable, nay, unwilling

To look beyond the mould;
Each step blindly taken, each breath

False, each thought mindless.

No. I am not of their clan.

Far beyond limited living

In unfolding worlds ever new

I wander, alone, perchance 

A co traveller walks along

For a day offering friendship

Pregnant with promise;

New horizons leading

To newer thresholds.

An outcaste perhaps, ostracized,

Beyond moulds, maligned

Convicted, judged guilty

Crucified each day

By thousand tongues

Spears of hate, of dengration
Hurled menacingly
Futile attempt to kill
A free soul. .

Choices

Staying on is a soft choice to make

Curtains drawn in cozy world

I live a myth, a life of strain

Stuck in my rut I remain.

Clinging on is a bad choice to make

Ducking in the face of storm

Full of fear, I live a lie;

And lose life by and by.

Walking away is a sad choice to make

Stepping into uncertain dark

In pain, in sorrow my insides cry

To wake into living I try.

Aftermath of war

In aftermath of war
Dawn breaks- blood red
Thoughts, strewn around
Like corpses on battlefield
Food for hungry predators
And life limps on broken
A little less robust
A little more stale
Surviving destruction
Destroying survival
And in their midst
Blind creatures howl
For return of golden ages
Shutters pulled down
Blinds drawn close
To keep out, to resist
That blood red glow.

A Voiceless world

One day I wake up
to a voiceless world.
Here men, women, children
scream soundlessly.
Programmed zombies.
Each step a ritual,
meaningless motion.
Lifeless utterances,
in five act play
screened as silent movie.
Do voices drown helplessly
Do voices burn internally
Boiling lava searching
for a weak fissure
Ready to devastate
hearths and home.

The day this world shatters
Tower of Babble forgotten matter.
Words and screams, 
cries and pleas
rantings and raving
a spill over of voices
mingling to raise
a giant tsunami. 
Drowning voicelessness
Flowing free-
a gurgling death
for whiplashes
that once curtailed
voices of the voiceless.

Those arms

If only I could walk into those arms
As I used to
If only I could rest in those arms
As I used to
If only I could feel love in those arms
As I used to.

Arms that used to be mine
Their warmth reserved for me
But then they were let out
Ever since I've let them be.

Now when they circle me
Other arms come to intrude
Their ghosts I've failed to slay
They sing doomsday's prelude.

Time takes wings and flies
And moments chameleon like
Change colours from day to day
Past truths but dreams today.

Wish I could walk intothose arms
As I used to
Wish I could Rest in those arms
As I used to
Wish I could feel love in those arms
As I used to.

Relearning

Yes, I was a fool, till a few days back

I cried for men and birds and bees

I moaned in pain for felled trees

And as I writhed I heard them laugh

Their jeers I bore, their cheers abhorred

My mind soared for I was sure

The world would right itself once more

A fresh breeze would unfreeze cold hearts

Would bring in Spring, and as solidarity bloomed

We’d behold on the face of a dark sky

Rising of a shinning New Moon.

No, it wasn’t a dream, a firm faith

Held in heart and mind religiously

I did not heed the warning signs

Nor felt threatened when mountains

Stood in my path.  Like a river

Serene I flowed, round that obstacle

Jumped over boulders untold

A journey to a destination

The ocean waiting with open arms:

When did waters dry? Obliterated

Paths lay stretched ahead, unknown,

Do I walk along, or run in fear?

This time I’ll stand unmoving

Dead as a dodo, or live unmoved

An ascetic in transcendental mood.

Two sides of a coin

She walks into your arms: you blossom
Sunflower like, turning to your Sun
Her smile shines in your eyes
A thousand twinkling stars at night
Illuminating the dark of your thoughts;
Her frenzied tunes your feet command
They tao, and dance and sway and twirl
Like a loan leaf  in rushing winds swirled:
That is life; that is Spring
Untimely nightingales sing.

Come Winter months: a climate change
Glaciers and icebergs and tsunamis-lashed
Lands that freeze, thirsts unquenched
Parched throats, begging arms
Vainly waiting for alms
Yet Sun's not down: a storm of dust
Partial eclipse, mind's mirage
Obliterates light in a blink
Emerge anew, emerge renewed
In one more life; another birth.

Heartless World

Come, we'll enter my sanitized laboratory.
You see this jar?
 That's a human heart preserved;
No, it beats no more, yet you see it bleed.
Those scars, you say?
Some slashes and nicks left by
sharp edged words and thought.
The deep, dark gorges in between you see?
Nothing much. Marks of arrows that struck
That heart when it beat, strong and vibrant.
No, not shafts from enemy quivers
Acts of friends and lovers, sharper, more deadly.
Do I mourn for that dead heart?
Not at all; I'm glad it's gone,
Space around to breathe  once more
Voices free now, to speak.
You say you'll pay a fortune for it?
Alas! I must refuse that offer
Humbly I'll say "It's not for sale"
I keep it as constant reminder
Of perfidy suffered, of copious tears
When hearts longed and dreamed.
Today the world's wiser by far
And heartless too.

No cause to fret

No dear, my space is protected
you can't stepin here,
You speak of my sharing space with another
your not the same, am I clear?
I've learned from that experience, you know,
so, my gates I've shut tight
you're trying to push them open once more
You know that's not right.
With that other I shared a special bond
beyond all bonds you've known
That's over and done with for life
You can't produce a clone.
our shared space has shrunk, you say
perhaps it is indeed so
We'll manage fine I'm confident
So cheer up, shine, and glow.

Love Reborn

Mind fixed on shadow they did not see
Love walk away out
on to the street silent and free
Far Love ventured
shadow clung close. securely
Shadow and Love built lives
to live separately
Each a slut uncontrolled
a whore body without soul
wandering listlessly.
Happiness an empty dream
neon like, glowing as reality.
Sunset Time called home the twain
Arms outstretched against odds strained
to gather close, to consolidate years of gains
Of togetherness, of reality built in vain
In full view Shadow melted
like ice in mid-summer's day
Love was reborn as rose
in lands far, far away.

Living Blind

Pains and pleasures
 know no rules
They come and go at will
In them I live and die
a thousand lives
Each day a new hue
Ever changing,
unknown yet known
I travel through lands
to find certainty of déjà vu 
Master plan chalked out
In hind sight  seen
Each hour a struggle 
to stamp authority
on life out of control
Speeding blind
To miraculous reprieve
Or end sublime.

A Place in Your Heart

My doors I opened wide
to welcome You, My Lord;
With garlands of love
I decked Your feet
and incense of faith
suffused the chamber You sat in
while my voice whispered a prayer
" keep me safe, hold me close, Lord".
When I ventured to Your threshold
You kept it shut, no way to enter
No room for me to rest:
What a cruel game You play
for Your pleasure
Or is it love beyond all love
One that breaks me
Shreds me to pieces
For You to pick up
To rebuild as You will
making me worthy
of a place in Your heart.